Mubarak And Barack O'Reagan Obama Prepare For The GulfStreamMoment

Robert Gibbs, after another testy press briefing, in which he imparts no real information: Uh, Mr. President, The Press, who helped elect you 'cuz you kept preaching about 'transparency', they're, well-uh...pretty pissed that you won't talk to them yourself. You still need them, sir, if you want to keep this gig for another four years. Remember, I'm outta here soon, and can't fend them off for you.

Barry, impatiently: Screw 'em. I'm all they've got. Remember, I'm channeling Reagan now, Time Magazine sez so, 'cuz that's what we told them to say. That was a great shot with the football, wasn't it? Staged to mirror image The Gipper and everything. Damn, I'm good!

Gibbs: Mr. President, the embassy's on the phone from Cairo. They've worn out all the paper shredders, and those incinerators they ordered never arrived. Is it ok to let the local contractor haul all those cables and docs away? They promise to burn them, honest. It's a reputable firm the State Department has used a lot lately, Assange and Associates. Besides the crowd's growing out there, and they're really pissed. The ambassador wants to know where the helicopters are, and can the Marines load their weapons, please. Things went really sour in Tehran when they weren't allowed to shoot back, Mr. President. That's how Carter lost his reelection to Reagan. That and the general ineptitude...

Barry: No, the Marines can't load their weapons, 'cuz they might hurt somebody if they defend the embassy, and how would that make me look? Borrow some shredders from the Brits and the French, and rent a herd of goats to eat the papers. Do I have to think of everything? Tell the ambassador to cool his jets, that Hilary lent the choppers to Bill for one of his weekend socials with Berlusconi, and once they get them cleaned out and the pilots sobered up, they'll be around to fetch him. What's the hurry? Our boy Hosni's in firm control of the situation. Man, didjou see them camels charging the crowd? That'll make the highlight reels fer sure. Our homeboyz even gotta sense of humor! We gotta remember that one for the next time Glenn Beck and his teabaggers show up. Damn!

Gibbs: Uh, Mr. President, Hosni's on the phone. He sez he needs three GulfStreams now: One for him and the fam, one for the harem, and one for the gold reserves and antiquities he's had his boyz loot from the banks and museums during the camel attack. Sez he'll turn truckloads of really interesting docs over to that Assange guy if you don't get him what he wants.

Barry: Call Hilary, tell her to work it out. Hell, call Jimmy Carter! He put Hosni in power--it's his fault, and he keeps bugging me, wanting a 'do-over'.

I'm the next Reagan, and he never got his hands dirty on little stuff! Hell, after Jimmy Carter, all he needed to do was exchange oxygen to look like a hero. Breathe in, breathe out, tilt your head, smile and say 'Well...?'--how come he gets all the love?

Gibbs: Mr. President, HomeboyHosni has another question. Where's his plane gonna land, and Tel-Aviv is not an option. The French don't want him. You can't pay off anybody in the Emirates, they're all rich. Jordan, Yemen, Syria and Tunisia got their own sets of problems, and Riyadh's getting crowded--they've already taken their quota of disgraced Muslim dictators, they said.

Barry: Call Scotland. They like Arab mass-murderers. Yes, it's cold, but they're broke. Hell, call Iceland! They're even broker and colder. That's what a harem is for. He can even learn to like haggis and haddock. Beats being lynched in public. Tell him to stop whining. Anything else, Gibbs?

Gibbs: No, nothing comes to mind. You've got it all under control. The world sure is lucky to have you at the helm, Mr. President.

Barry: Well...?

Farewell, ObamaBob: Robert Gibbs Gets Out While He Can

It's exhausting work, ya'll, explaining away Himself and His cast of characters. Keeping a straight face while lying nonstop. Ignoring any and all inconvenient questions, especially if they come from TheNetworkThatCannotBeNamed, or ThatWallStreetJournalRag. (But let's make certain Helen Thomas is treated like royalty, and we'll just ignore the rabid anti-semitism...)

Explaining why losing 60 sump-n House seats to the Tea Party really wasn't that bad.

Explaining away a deeply-rooted populist voter revolt as a bunch of people who engage in a particular sexually perverse practice.

Explaining away a 14-trillion dollar debt that his boss helped rack up at historically breathtaking levels.

Explain, explain, explain it AWAY!!. Change the subject, change the subject, CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!

Well, at least you had BaghdadBob as a model. You know, Saddam Hussein's press secretary, who reported on the victories of the Iraqi military, with the US Marines setting up shop across the street from his hotel.

Blame it all on those wascawy Wepubwikans, or Congress, or industry, or the voters, or the Constitution, or....the banks--no, no, can't do that, cuz' what we all really want is a banking gig after this is over.

Get that faculty gig somewhere safe while you can, ObamaBob. In a blue/blue/blue state. With a huge endowment to keep leftists warm when the chill winds of reality begin to blow. Get that book advance in your pocket, and tuck that sucker away offshore. Git out, while the gittin's good.

After all, you don't want to end up like your predecessor Ron Ziegler, who went down with the ship for his boss Richard Nixon, whose reputation as the worst President post-1950 has been somewhat salvaged by your boss.

This poor guy got hisself no book deals, no lecture circuit love, no admiring eulogies from the press when he departed this vale of tears. Nuthin'. He spent years not getting his phone calls returned--from Republicans. And the rest of his old gang were cooling their heels in the Federal pen. Very cold, very lonely out there, if you work for a disgraced President. Last man at his side ends up coldest and loneliest.

(And, do make sure you've got a good lawyer. You may need one yet. And make sure you take yoh' notes and docs wij-yew, 'cuz yoh' boss gunna hang yoh' lily-white out to dry if timez gits tuff and He needz sumbody to blame. Jes' speculatin'.)

And, now, ObamaBob, OS leaves you with his favorite Ron Ziegler quote:

"If my answers sound confusing, I think they are confusing because the questions are confusing and the situation is confusing."

Obama Cedes Portions Of Interstate 8 In Arizona To The Drug Cartels; It's A Local Issue...

Hmmm....nice little state you got here. It'd be a shame if it were to, say, get overrun with criminals and the like. Right, Gino? Right, Vito? A cryin' shame.

From today's Washington Times:

The federal government recently posted signs along Interstate 8 in the Vekol Valley warning travelers the area is unsafe because of drug and alien smugglers. The signs were posted by the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) along a 60-mile stretch of Interstate 8 between Casa Grande and Gila Bend, warning travelers they are entering an "active drug- and human-smuggling area" and may encounter "armed criminals and smuggling vehicles traveling at high rates of speed."

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu, whose county includes the valley, told The Washington Times earlier this month that Mexican drug cartels have posted scouts on the high points around the valley to control movement in the area. He said they have radios, optics and "night-vision goggles as good as anything law enforcement has."

"This is going on here in Arizona … 30 miles from the fifth-largest city in the United States," he said.

The sheriff said he asked the Obama administration for 3,000 National Guard soldiers to patrol the border, but got 15 signs along Interstate 8 instead.

ObamaBob claims that everyone loves his boss, and that the election will hinge on 'local issues', not having to to with The Beloved Leader. OS suspects that folks in Arizona might consider having a squad of trained Mexican assassins at large just might meet the definition of a local issue.

ObamaBob Spins For Meet The Press: It's Local Issues, And It's The Chamber Of Commerce and Karl Rove's Fault

Really, that's what he said.

It's not about The Beloved Leader at all. Folks just love him and MainSqueeeeezeMichelle. They're gonna vote Democrat in droves.

It's hard to make this sort of stuff up.

But,  OS did predict last week that this would begin, so his readers were informed before the onslaught of half-truth was launched.

So, let's go with ObamaBob's premise: It's just 'local issues'.

OS drives by the forcibly closed and abandoned Chrysler dealership here in his little town. That's a local issue. The business was forced into oblivion by the Obama White House, who turned the bankruptcy code upside down in order to reward the UAW.

OS passes resumes of friends on to those who might provide employment, in this 'recovery' with its real unemployment rate of near 18%. The One promised us if he were allowed to spend $800 billion that unemployment would drop. That's a local issue.

OS has calculated that his bank savings account actually costs him money, because the .25% interest rate paid does not recoup the annual maintenance fees for the account. That's a local issue. Obama backed the nomination of Bernanke to head the Fed for another term earlier this year.

Thirty-five years after the establishment of the Department of Education, and untold billions poured down that rabbit hole, the graduation rate in this county is 50%. The teacher's union is sitting fat and happy, though. That's a local issue, 'cuz those employers in need of employees find it tough to find qualified people who will show up to work and not screw things up.

Houses aren't selling, 'cuz the market is now so distorted by Fannie/Freddie/Treasury and the general fraud in the mortgage industry that property can't be valued, and it's not certain title can clear in many instances. That's on Obama's watch. That's a local issue! In spades!

Undoubtedly, folks in all parts of the country can add their own items to the list of 'local issues'--like all those shallow-water oil-rig workers Obama threw out of work last summer. The Chinese can drill, the Cubans can drill, the Brazilians can drill. Texas and Louisiana are simply out of luck. The Beloved Leader has spoken. Let them eat cake.

Need we continue?

Keep grinnin' thar', ObamaBob! Keep ranting about Karl Rove and the Chamber of Commerce! That'll turn the tide, Bubbah! Folks ever'where just love your boss, and all those folks are gonna git in that votin' booth and show their appreciation for him on November 2. It'll be a regular ol' love feast.

Cuz' it'll be about local issues...

The First Lady And The Chicago Polling Place: The Law Is For All You LITTLE People

Disappointing, but completely unsurprising.

Every state in the union has a law against anyone attempting to campaign or influence voters inside the polling place. It's off limits, a place where the voter and his/her conscience enter unmolested. It's quiet, orderly, calm. In Tennessee, signs forbidding campaigning are posted 100 feet from the poll entrance.

Like, it doesn't take a law degree from Harvard to read and understand this stuff, ya'll.

Unless you're The One's Main Squeeeeezzze, Mizz Michelle. Wait a minute, she has a Harvard law degree, right?

But that's OK. She's one of the Big People. Those signs are for the Little People.

Like you.

First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law -- when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!

The drama began after Mrs. Obama stopped off at the Martin Luther King Center on the south side of Chicago to cast an early vote.

After finishing at the machine, Obama went back to the desk and handed in her voting key.

She let voters including electrician Dennis Campbell, 56, take some photos.

"She was telling me how important it was to vote to keep her husband's agenda going," Campbell said.

According to a pool reporter from the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES at the scene, the conversation took place INSIDE the voting center, not far from the booths.

Illinois state law -- Sec. 17-29 (a) -- states: "No judge of election, pollwatcher, or other person shall, at any primary or election, do any electioneering or soliciting of votes or engage in any political discussion within any polling place [or] within 100 feet of any polling place."

A top Ilinois State Board of Elections official tells the DRUDGE REPORT that Mrs. Obama -- a Harvard-educated lawyer -- may have simply been ignorant of the law and thus violated it unintentionally.

"You kind of have to drop the standard for the first lady, right?" the official explained late Thursday. "I mean, she's pretty well liked and probably doesn't know what she's doing."

WHITE HOUSE DEFENDS ELECTIONEERING

When questioned about the brazen nature of Mrs. Obama's campaigning, press secretary Robert Gibbs defended the action.

"I don't think it would be much to imagine, the First Lady might support her husband's agenda," Gibbs smiled.

That's OK, ObamaBob. Keep smiling. No worries. Nobody's gonna notice, or conclude that your bosses despise both the law and the citizenry.

No worries, ya'll.

The Beck Rally 8/28: OS Awaits Monday Morning...

...when ObamaBob will be called upon to explain away 300,000 people who are really, really, really unhappy with The Winner Of The 2010 Nobel Peace Prize.

Even the Yew Nork Times noticed this time.

And, it would be pretty safe to assume that for every person there, there were several more who would have loved to have attended.

That's a lot of really motivated people.

So, tomorrow, the Spin Machine folks will be meeting, winding ObamaBob up and feeding him the ExplanationOfTheDay.

Ron Nessen, Nixon's shill, had it easy compared to ObamaBob.

ObamaBob has to come up with a plausible explanation for this picture, and many others like it, from multiple sources. Can't call it PhotoShopAstroTurf and have any straight faces left in the press room.

Stuffing NASA's Bolden Down The Memory Hole: Robert Gibbs Says He Didn't Actually Say What He Said...

Robert Gibbs (aka ObamaBob) is our new Ron Nessen, the beleaguered press secretary for Richard Nixon. The poor man's job was to go out every day, and explain why today's lie was the truth, and that we should ignore yesterday's lie.

So, today Gibbs assures us that Bolden didn't actually say what he was clearly quoted as saying to Al Jazeera, and in other places as well. You know, the bit about The One telling him his first priority is to make Muslims feel good about themselves.

The laughter still hasn't subsided, so Gibbs has to 'splain it to us, that we should just forget what clearly happened, and stuff it down the Memory Hole.

Really, ya'll. He thinks we'll buy it, too!

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said Monday that NASA Administrator Charles Bolden must have misspoken when he told Al Jazeera last month that one of his top priorities is to reach out to Muslim countries.

"That was not his task and that's not the task of NASA," Gibbs said.

Bolden, though, said last month in the interview that it was President Obama who gave him that task. He made a similar claim in February.

The White House also backed up Bolden last week when his remarks first stirred controversy. A White House spokesman last Tuesday said Obama wants NASA to engage with the world's best scientists and that to meet that challenge, NASA must "partner with countries around the world like Russia and Japan, as well as collaboration with Israel and with many Muslim-majority countries."

NASA last week walked back Bolden's claim that Muslim outreach was the "perhaps foremost" plank of his mission, saying that Bolden was merely talking about his "outreach" responsibilities and that space exploration is still NASA's No. 1 job.

But Gibbs on Monday appeared to deny that Bolden was asked to focus on Muslim outreach at all.

Riiiiiight...

ObamaBob Dials Up The Vitriol Level: Remarks On Sarah Palin

(HT to Clifton at Another Black Conservative. You do read ABC, yes?)

Anyway!

OS is not the world's biggest fan of Gov. Palin. He has reservations, which can wait for another day to be stated.

However, she actually held an elected administrative office--the governorship of Alaska. The place is huge, and would have to be a handful to manage wisely, what with the long coastline, the climate, the tribes, it's physical separation from the Lower 48, and the large footprint made by the oil industry. By most accounts, she did an O.K. job in that role. This is more than our current President managed to accomplish before his election in 2008.  The lady oversaw the oil biz in Alaska during her time there. She probably forgot more about oil drilling than Obama learned about it as an Illinois state senator and Presidential candidate.

Now, we've got ourselves a leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico, courtesy of British Petroleum, and she was asked about the Obama administration's response, which some think was less than energetic. (Personally, OS isn't sure that's a fair criticism, but that's for another day as well.)

But, she was asked, and when she pointed out that Himself was a 2008 recipient of major amounts of cash sourced from BP, Robert ObamaBob Gibbs just couldn't resist the temptation to denigrate Mrs. Palin on CBS yesterday morning.

"Sarah Palin was involved in that election, but I don't think, apparently, was paying a whole lot of attention," Gibbs said.

"I'm almost sure that the oil companies don't consider the Obama administration a huge ally. We proposed a windfall profits tax when they jacked their oil prices up to charge for gasoline.

"My suggestion to Sarah Palin would be to get slightly more informed as to what's going on in and around oil drilling in this country."

OS heard ObamaBob utter those words yesterday morning, and thought: 'He really screwed the pooch on this one. The last thing you want to do, at a time like this, is throw vitriolic gasoline on the fire. For openers, her proper title is Governor Palin, just as his is Mr. Gibbs.'

This moment will make the rounds of the MamaGrizzlyBear Movement, and those ladies will take umbrage. They'll conclude that if Obama and ObamaBob think Gov. Palin is just a Stupid Girl ('cuz she's pretty, and she's a mom), they think the same of the ladies who like Gov. Palin. It's sort of like poking that MamaGrizzlyBear with a sharp stick, just to see if she will react.

ObamaBob can rest assured, they'll react. And he won't like the experience come November 3, as he feels the wheels of the bus roll over his torso, after Obama personally tosses him under it.

Polite restraint of tongue and pen, at a moment like that, by a person in that position, is never a bad idea. It's ok to disagree, not ok to be disagreeable.

Just sayin'...

Robert Reich Weighs In, And The News Isn't Good For Incumbents

Robert Reich, on faculty at Berkley, is no right-wing nutjob, as ObamaBob and company would like to characterize any who dare disagree.


As a matter of fact, he's come to the same conclusion as Denninger--the economy is not recovering, and having the guv'mint hose it down with cash isn't helping.

What does all this portend for November’s midterm election? Unless the economy moves into high gear, and unless America’s anxious class feels substantially better, incumbents are in trouble.
....

In fact, if you exclude temporary boosts like the government stimulus and the restocking of company inventories, the U.S. economy would not have grown in the first quarter. As these temporary boosts fade later this year, consumer spending is the only thing that will keep the economy going. But consumers won’t be able to spend what they don’t have.

Some economic cheerleaders predict employers will increase wages as their profits grow. That’s nonsense. With five jobless workers for every job opening, employers are under no pressure to raise wages.

This conclusion from a man on the Obama transition team. How will ObamaBob explain him away?

Arlen Specter Is Shown The Door In Pennsylvania, Rand Paul Kicks In The Door In Kentucky

The poster child of RINOism, Arlen (I don't give a fig about which party I'm in, just so long as I can stay in office!) Specter, went down in flames in the Democrat primary tonight.

OS caught his concession speech. The old gent truly looked shell-shocked. He rambled, almost incoherently. Not even the rooms full of people cursing him last summer at town hall meetings had managed to break through his ego, his vision of himself as an American Institution. Finally, tonight, it dawned on him: 'Gosh, everyone's really really pissed at me!'.

Rand Paul, on the other hand, kicked ass. He beat Grayson, the GOP establishment candidate, 60-40. Not even close.

Here's the raw video from his acceptance speech:



Of course, by tomorrow evening, the White House and their shills in Yew Nork will have it all explained away, assuring themselves and us that nothing is amiss, Arlen was just an old fool who needed to go, and Rand is just a TeaPartyNutJobFromKentucky (you know, where all those unwashed Kentucky people hang out...). No problem, no worries.

Of course, if we start tallying it up--Brown takes Massachusetts, Christie takes New Jersey, Stupak runs away, Tanner runs away...hell's bells--a bunch of Democrats have run away! Charlie Crist gets out of the GOP while he can, 'cuz he's going down in flames, Bennett is shown the door by the GOP in Utah...

The list is growing. Folks out here really really really are ticked-off, and they're tired of writing their Congressman, 'cuz he stopped listening a long time ago. Or, like the good Rep. Souder of Indiana, he was too busy nailing the office staff to pay attention.

Oh, by the way, in the Kentucky race (from the Washington Post):

With 99 percent of the vote counted in the Kentucky GOP primary for U.S. Senate ...

-Rand Paul outpaced Trey Grayson in every major region of the state, scoring his biggest win in the North, an area that includes the fast growing areas around Cincinnati and Louisville that have become reliably GOP. In that region, Paul won 65 percent of the vote, to Grayson's 32 percent.

-Paul won 109 counties; Grayson 11.

It'll be entertaining to watch ObamaBob explain this away tomorrow...there's always an explanation, more people to label as racists, AstroTurf, sexual perverts, rednecks, nutters, etc.

Chin-straps on, friends and neighbors.

Even the NY Times Admits Something Is Happening--How About ObamaBob?

After months of disparaging reporting, breathlessly parroting the Dems line that the protests against the explosive growth of government are just so much 'AstroTurf', tens upon tens of thousands of ordinary citizens showed this morning in Washington, D.C.

Even the New York Times had to cover it.

It was huge.

It was loud.

It was undeniable.

Robert Gibbs, Himself's press secretary, professed to know nothing of it.

OldSouth is reminded of Baghdad Bob, who was briefing western reporters on the victorious forces of Saddam Hussein routing the infidels, while the US Marines were securing the block across the street from the hotel where Bob was holding the briefing.

Bob's link contains some of his most priceless quotes, as well as updates on his career since.

ObamaBob might want to get in touch with him. Everyone needs a mentor, and some former press secretaries, like Ron Nessen(who worked for Nixon) discovered the world can be a cold place for people with his sort of resume.