It's exhausting work, ya'll, explaining away Himself and His cast of characters. Keeping a straight face while lying nonstop. Ignoring any and all inconvenient questions, especially if they come from TheNetworkThatCannotBeNamed, or ThatWallStreetJournalRag. (But let's make certain Helen Thomas is treated like royalty, and we'll just ignore the rabid anti-semitism...)
Explaining why losing 60 sump-n House seats to the Tea Party really wasn't that bad.
Explaining away a deeply-rooted populist voter revolt as a bunch of people who engage in a particular sexually perverse practice.
Explaining away a 14-trillion dollar debt that his boss helped rack up at historically breathtaking levels.
Explain, explain, explain it AWAY!!. Change the subject, change the subject, CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!
Well, at least you had BaghdadBob as a model. You know, Saddam Hussein's press secretary, who reported on the victories of the Iraqi military, with the US Marines setting up shop across the street from his hotel.
Blame it all on those wascawy Wepubwikans, or Congress, or industry, or the voters, or the Constitution, or....the banks--no, no, can't do that, cuz' what we all really want is a banking gig after this is over.
Get that faculty gig somewhere safe while you can, ObamaBob. In a blue/blue/blue state. With a huge endowment to keep leftists warm when the chill winds of reality begin to blow. Get that book advance in your pocket, and tuck that sucker away offshore. Git out, while the gittin's good.
After all, you don't want to end up like your predecessor Ron Ziegler, who went down with the ship for his boss Richard Nixon, whose reputation as the worst President post-1950 has been somewhat salvaged by your boss.
This poor guy got hisself no book deals, no lecture circuit love, no admiring eulogies from the press when he departed this vale of tears. Nuthin'. He spent years not getting his phone calls returned--from Republicans. And the rest of his old gang were cooling their heels in the Federal pen. Very cold, very lonely out there, if you work for a disgraced President. Last man at his side ends up coldest and loneliest.
(And, do make sure you've got a good lawyer. You may need one yet. And make sure you take yoh' notes and docs wij-yew, 'cuz yoh' boss gunna hang yoh' lily-white out to dry if timez gits tuff and He needz sumbody to blame. Jes' speculatin'.)
And, now, ObamaBob, OS leaves you with his favorite Ron Ziegler quote:
"If my answers sound confusing, I think they are confusing because the questions are confusing and the situation is confusing."
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