Sunday, October 9, 2011

God Save The Queen, She's Come To Our Rescue

One of OS's Facebook friends from Blighty passed this gem along. In a world full of glum news, it is a joy to stop and share a belly-laugh with our friends.

Authorship is unknown to OS, but the creator is definitely brilliant, and thanks and apologies precede the republishing of this piece. It's just too funny not to share.

*****

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen... Elizabeth II:

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one)


Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Yea Verily, Stupidity Has Descended Upon Blighty: The Blackberry Picking Prohibition

File under, Just can't possibly make this nonsense up. Gubbermint Workers just keep getting stupider faster than Normal People can keep up with.

Alan Gibson, 47, who organises "foraging picnics" to collect wild fruit and nuts, says he was ordered to stop by officials because it was bad for the environment.

When he questioned further, he said he was told that the activity posed a risk to newts.

As well as blackberries, he was told hazelnuts, apples and chestnuts were also out of bounds.

Mr Gibson, who writes an internet blog on collecting wild food, was organising a “foraging picnic” on Southampton Common as part of an autumn harvest festival event.

Staff at the council-run Hawthorns Urban Wildlife Centre told him that blackberry picking was prohibited because the common was a Site of Special Scientific Interest and home to endangered great crested newts.


Well, really, no, that's not the reason at all...but you still can't pick blackberries, 'cuz we say so, and we're duh gubbermint.

Hawthorns centre staff later admitted that was not the case, but Mr Gibson says a manager insisted the blackberry picking ban stood.

He has now launched a case against the “ludicrous” advice to establish blackberry pickers’ rights at Southampton’s ancient people’s court, the Court Leet.

The court, established hundreds of years ago, has no power to punish but now exists as a forum for grievances which are passed on to the council for a formal response and decision.

Mr Gibson said: “It came as a shock to me and my family and I think it would to most people. Picking fruit is a healthy, child-friendly activity.”

A council spokesman said “large scale blackberry or nut collecting would be inappropriate” as it might damage plants or habitats protected by wildlife legislation.


In the States, hunting regulations in many states are now so detailed as to make it nearly impossible to harvest game, lest a regulation be violated. And, in many instances, if caught in violation, the hunter loses his license, his gun, his vehicle--on the spot--and then has a court date set for his prosecution. The roads here are littered with deer carcasses every fall, because there aren't enough hunters. Mr. and Mrs. OS were nearly killed two years ago by a nine-point buck that would have normally been harvested and turned into venison for some family's freezer. Instead, he was harvested by the family Volvo.

There are some 47 million mourning doves flying around the country. They live perhaps two years. Hunting is down, and perhaps two million are harvested. The other 45 million simply die of natural causes. They're damned hard to shoot, by the way
.
The hunting regs are endless, protecting a species that everyone admits is never in danger of becoming scarce. Rather than lose the family pickup to the game warden, hunters just stay home. We're overrun with them. Same with Canada geese, by the way, endangering commercial aviation. Turkey are becoming a nuisance, raiding cattle feeders.

It's time, long overdue, to send these clowns on their way, and let us get back to blackberry picking, hunting, fishing...living.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Simon Johnson Weighs In Again: OS Wishes Someone Would Listen

Simon Johnson is one of those reasoned, credible, experienced voices that keeps repeating, 'No, no matter how much money you print up and throw at places like Greece and Italy, this will not solve the problem. It's not a money problem, it's a cultural problem.'

At least the New York Times prints his words, still.

Lech Walesa famously remarked that it was easier to make fish soup from fish than to do the reverse. So it is with fiscal crises — once fear prevails and markets start to think hard about the stress scenario, it is hard to solve the problem simply with reassuring words or financial support that never needs to be used.

Crisis veterans like to say, quoting former President Ernesto Zedillo of Mexico, that when markets overreact, policy needs to overreact in the stabilizing direction. But what really matters is not overreacting; it is making sure you do enough.

In Europe, the first thing peripheral governments need to do is stop accumulating debt, and quickly. Italian fiscal plans to balance the budget in 2012 look implausible, as they assume unrealistic growth. The planned Greek debt restructuring and increased taxes will not turn that economy around, nor prevent Greece from accumulating further debt. Despite all the reported austerity, the Irish government is still running a budget deficit near 12 percent of gross national product in 2011, while nominal G.N.P. actually declined in the first half of 2011.


Good advice for us, only insert 'state governments', 'federal government', 'Congress', 'White House', etc.

Steve Job's Passing Announced By His Family

Statement by Steve Jobs’ Family

PALO ALTO, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Steve Jobs’ family today made the following statement regarding his death:

Steve died peacefully today surrounded by his family.

In his public life, Steve was known as a visionary; in his private life, he cherished his family. We are thankful to the many people who have shared their wishes and prayers during the last year of Steve’s illness; a website will be provided for those who wish to offer tributes and memories.

We are grateful for the support and kindness of those who share our feelings for Steve. We know many of you will mourn with us, and we ask that you respect our privacy during our time of grief.


******

Condolences to his family and friends. An American success story, an adopted child who rose from obscurity to transform the world. Perhaps our greatest genius since Edison.

Only in America, and here's hoping and urging we remain the kind of nation that will allow the next Jobs to emerge.

Obama's Declaration That His Presidency Is 'A One Term Proposition' On Feb 9, 2009--And Why He Was Prescient

This video from Minnesota Majority tells all, in Obama's own words.



Worst President since James Buchanan, who occupied the office for four years and watched the country unravel from 1857-1861.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Photographic Evidence of Obama Marching With The new Black Panthers in 2007: How Can This Be Explained Away?

Breitbart posted it today.

The NBPP is virulently anti-Semitic (always a bad sign). Had any GOP candidate marched with a KKK rally...think of the outraged reactions from near and far.

Hit the link and decide for yourself.

How is this explained away?

OS On The Road: Jackson TN

Business travel took OS to West Tennessee, to a lovely and overlooked small city east of Memphis--Jackson.

He stopped in for breakfast at a restaurant chain he enjoys, and found a middle-aged man turning in an employment application to the manager on duty. He was at the point of begging for any job, and in a way needed someone to talk to that morning more than anything else. It was the manager's turn. There were no positions open, and OS observed that this gent was far from the first in his position to come into the restaurant, needing a job and needing someone to talk to. She was kind, but had neither a job nor a listening ear, with customers waiting to be seated. OS felt tears well in his eyes, remembering what it was like to feel that lonely and desperate. He regrets not reaching in to grab a twenty from his wallet for the gent, but the moment passed before he could gather his wits about him.

Meetings went swimmingly, a visit to Marshall's for a few household and kitchen restocks. Quite a few shoppers in the store, no one making a big purchase, but a steady trade nonetheless.

On the way home, a stop for fuel and a visit to 'the facilities'. Over the years, OS has seen all manner of graffiti in truck stops, and won't take time to describe it. Before today, he had never seen scrawlings on a stall cursing the President of the United States. It was chilling to read, a sense that some line has been crossed by someone somewhere.

Home all week, grinding out a tax return, resenting every moment spent justifying his existence to a government out of control. The thought of golf next week keeps him going.

Marathon Pundit: McConnell Statement On Obama Sending Free Trade Agreements To Congress

File under: Complete ineptitude

File under: So in love with Chavez, he'd rather we starve than trade with Colombia

File under: November 2012 cannot come soon enough.

What kind of clown urges Congress to pass a treaty he never sent to the Senate?

The kind of clown this country elected in 2008.

Colombia, let us remember, actually has waged a successful campaign against narco-terrorists cum gangsters, and ran the bad guys (supported by Chavez) to ground. This, of course, is an unforgivable sin in ObamaLand, where the crooks win and their victims are derided for defending themselves.

In any case, it's a trade treaty that might actually help foment some productive business activity (also highly suspect). But count on Obama to sign this one in public, surrounded by Democrat Senators, and you can bet money he'll take credit for having negotiated the deal. Which of course, will be a bald-faced lie. Which of course matters not a whit in ObamaLand.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Coda: Assets Of Syracuse Symphony Divided Among Thee Local Institutions

It's over.

The Orchestra entered Chapter 7, a liquidation bankruptcy proceeding. The bank, the primary creditor, recovered what it could, and in an act of goodwill, distributed some of the most important assets to local organizations.

M & T Bank has closed the books on what’s left of the Syracuse Symphony Orchestra.

The bank’s regional president Allen J. Naples announced the dispersal of the SSO’s assets to three community groups at a news conference this morning at the Onondaga Historical Association. The bank was the main secured creditor for SSO assets when it filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in May.

Naples said the orchestra’s instruments, including a Steinway piano, and computer and electronic equipment would be donated to the Cultural Resources Council of Syracuse and Onondaga County. The SSO’s sheet music, considered to be the most valuable asset, will be given to the Setnor School of Music at Syracuse University. Onondaga Historical Association will receive the orchestra’s archives, albums and paintings.


Rightly, the music library was seen as the most valuable asset. Without it, it would be impossible to ever re-assemble another orchestra in the future. A lot of that music is long out of print, and the years of musicians' markings on the parts (which in effect create a local edition of a piece) are irreplaceable.

The bank did the right thing, for the city and for themselves. They took their haircut, to be sure, and left the door open for something else to assemble itself in the future. The bank also bought a good deal of that intangible asset--goodwill--so difficult to build, so easy to destroy.

Once again, OS sez: 2012 cannot come soon enough. It will take sober grownups to set the country in motion and productive again, so that profits can be made to spend on important items like a local symphony. Until then, it's chinstraps on. We haven't reached the end of the orchestra closures yet. Louisville has yet to get back underway, and Philadelphia is still in BK. Whoo'da'thunk'it that the great Philadelphia Orchestra would wind up in BK court?

Colorado Symphony may be next.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Pastor Nadarkhani: Faithful To Christ, A Threat To The Mullahs, Sentenced To Death

OS hardly knows what to say, except that the Iranian diplomatic mission is located at:

2209 Wisconsin Avenue Northwest,
Washington, DC
(202) 965-4991

Apparently, the Iranians intend to hang Pastor Nadarkhani for the crime of being Christian.

And, for good measure now, they've decided he's a Zionist and a rapist, or is that a rapist Zionist? No matter, any lie will do as we hustle him to the gallows.

As Cranmer reminds us:

We were evidently even unwise to believe the written judgements of Iran's Supreme Court, which stated:

He has frequently denied the prophethood of the great prophet of Islam and the rule of the sacred religion of Islam. And he has proven his apostasy by organizing evangelistic meetings and inviting others to Christianity, establishing a house church, baptizing people, expressing his faith to others and, denying Islamic values.

OS is tempted to say at this point--the next time some 'Islamist Rights' group, such as CAIR, beats their chest about how shabbily they are treated in the West, let us inquire of them what they did, in public, loudly and unequivocally, to protest this crime by an Islamic government. We'll be waiting as the crickets chip in response.

But, above and beyond that, this is a contemporary example of the horrors that descend when the preachers and the politicians decide to get joined at the hip, so that everyone ends up unsure about where the ecclesia and the state begin and end. Both religion and politics attract a fair number of narcissists, lazy about work, hungry for power, and bereft of conscience. It's a recipe for disaster, in many forms, across the ages, when they link up. The recent examples of Hitler, Mao, the Perons, the Japanese cultists who led that nation over the cliff in the 1920's to '40's--on and on it goes--should give pause. It's being played out in Iran now, with a nuclear program underway to boot.

There are no secular messiahs.

The state or nation, when worshipped, ends up eating its faithful.

Encounter any preacher or politician who tries to convince you otherwise? Run screaming away from them as fast as your little legs will take you. These people end up bathing their worlds in blood. Like Iran is now doing.

So, in the meantime, OS, a devout Christian, urges one and all to call that phone number listed above.

And to think for themselves.

Washington Post coverage here.