7:55 pm EST, 1 June 2010, The Oval Office. Dustin Hoffman has been called in to coach The One, who is up to his upturned nose in crude oil and ill will.
The Winner of the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize is now seated in front the teleprompters. The first one, and the backup. Can't be too careful these days.
(Remember, Barry--it's not British Petroleum anymore, it's just 'BP'. Let's go over it again, Barry: 'BP', c'mon repeat after me, 'BP', 'BP', 'BP'.)
Aw Geez--Didn't anybody check this guy out to see if he could actually manage anything before we put him up for office? Hillary, where are you? Barry, remember, keep glued to that teleprompter, stick to the script! The script, Barry! That's all you gotta think about! (We're doomed!)
Here we go, Barry! Showtime!
Be sure to talk with your hands, you gotta try to make people think you empathize. Use your tough voice when you talk about BP. And use your empathy voice when you talk about those poor dead people. Remember which one to use when, Barry. Sell it, Barry, sell it! Make 'em believe you got it under control, even though everybody knows you don't got the brains to pick up the phone and call somebody up at BP when their well blows up. (Geez, from under which rock did this guy get found? Who dug him up? Hillary!!)
OK, Barry, here's the real sell--we gotta announce we're taking over another big chunk of the economy, that everybody's electric and driving costs are gonna go thru-the-moon-Alice, but don't (God, whatever you do!) don't tell 'em that part! Stick to that teleprompter, Barry! Make 'em think you believe that wind and solar will make up for the shutdown of all oil and coal production. (At least he's stupid enough to believe it--whew!)
Wind it up Barry, attention spans are short, talk about God, tell the story of the priest and the fishermen.
Make 'em think you're Reagan. Sell it, sell it, sell it! Pretend you're on the stump in October 2008.
You're losing the Kool-Aid drinkers already! Geeeez!
Hillary!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment