Amy Chua's 'Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother': Part Deux

OldSouth finished the book last night as the snow descended. The first part of the book is light-hearted, self-deprecating, actually quite funny.

The second and third sections are quite dark. It requires extraordinary candor to autobiographically recount such miserable behaviour toward not only children, but husband, students, colleagues, childrens' teachers, and extended family and friends.


Amy Chua was under no obligation to write the book or publish it, so real credit goes to her for displaying that sort of moxie. OS hopes his readers buy it and read it--that many thousands of parents and teachers buy it and read it. This country needs to have a serious public discussion about parenting, and this book is a great place to begin.

The older child, Sophia, bore up relatively well under the onslaught. It is a miracle that Lulu, the younger, did not begin self-injuring behaviours, or develop eating disorders, or attempt suicide. She fought back against the craziness, and held to her own sense of self, which probably saved her. OS has seen cases where that did not happen, with tragic outcomes, too painful to recount.

OS's initial take, before reading the book, was to give Amy Chua 2 3/4 cheers. He's revising that down to about 1.5 cheers. There are so many parents unwilling to devote time, thought, and hard work to their children, and we are paying the price every day for that neglect. Amy Chua is not one of those parents, not by a long shot.

But...

Sans love, there is no virtuous circle. Achievement is not love. Obsessive hard work is not love. A perfect performance of Mendelssohn or Prokofiev is not love. Felix and Sergei did not compose pieces of music so that they could become the steel-cage ultimate fighting rings for the egos of parents, teachers and children. OS even contends that that manic sort of preparation to perform a short list of repertoire does not actually train a student to be a musician--it creates a highly programmed kid who can impressively perform a particular piece. Put a piece by Schumann or Shostakovich in front of such a kid, and ask them to make sense of the score themselves. They are lost in the woods, even after performing Mendelssohn and Prokofiev brilliantly. OS has lost count of the times he's seen this play out.

There seems to be no greater framework, no greater stage upon which this story is played. The chief aim of life is to achieve, to win, to be on the early acceptance list to Harvard--Brown will not do, and Duke is synonymous with humiliation. All that is still in place in TigerMotherWorld.

OS kept asking himself as he read: So, the kids and the mom and even the dogs win all the prizes, all the time. Then what? What's the next demand? How much is enough? And OS says this as a hard-charging father of two very high-achieving kids, of whom he is outrageously proud.

Are they loved because they are accomplished? Or do they succeed because they are loved, and respond to that higher call by working their tails off? Yes, in order to achieve substantial things, hard work is required, and a child has to be guided and confronted along the way. There's a lot of value in that process, up to and including that competition or exam, which are an integral part of the process. It's good to win, and that should be the goal. A's are better than B's, and should be the goal.

Do we define success, though, only by the sheepskins on the wall, and the trophies and the resumes, the power we wield, the faculties we sit on, the number of publications on the vita, or by how our lives and our work contribute to the lives around us? It's not either/or, it's both. It really is both.

Are we supposed to live vicariously through our children's accomplishments? What if, along the way, they fail at something, like not winning the grand prize at the competition? What if they go to Michigan State instead of Yale? Are they still loved, do Mom and Dad still exist?

OS was hoping to hear more about all this from Amy Chua, and strangely, she seems silent, as if the questions just don't occur. She now treats her children and husband more humanely, which is good.

At least until next time the Tiger gets the urge to roar.


Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Amy Chua's 'Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother'--Just Arrived At OldSouth's House

...and he began reading as soon as he cleaned up the dinner dishes.

OS thinks the opening salvo of publicity could have been handled better. That WSJ article comes off very harsh-sounding, and the jeers were heard 'round the world.

Actually, the book is very very funny and self-deprecating. OS is about halfway through the tale, and as a fellow hard-charging parent, has had several belly-laughs along the way. He's in love with younger child Lulu, who appears to be dismantling Prof. Chua's entire universe, brick by brick.

Moh', lathuh, when the book is finished.

It is quite a read, not at all what OS expected.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother