Letterman's Top Ten is an American institution. Every night, this respectable-looking Midwesterner in a natty suit reads an outrageous list, usually composed of the thoughts we dare not express.
(Drum roll in background...)
10. "My horoscope says big surprises are in store."
9. "See, this is why I normally don't answer the door."
8. "The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo ..."
7. "What on Earth could be interrupting Celebrity Apprentice?"
6. "I hear Brian Williams is on Dave to discuss my imminent demise."
5. "At least I'll be reunited with my dear, departed friend Jack LaLanne."
4. "I'm not sure I want to live in a world where Fast Five is the #1 movie."
3. "Any man with multiple wives welcomes death. Am I right, fellas?"
2. "I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head."
1. "Oh, crap!"
As usual, the writers wait until #2 to unload the true zinger of the evening...
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