Wrestling Midgets

As Jeff Foxworthy regularly reminds his audiences: "I can't make this stuff up!"

Here in bucolic Burns, Tennessee, thirty-five miles west of Nashville (and light years removed from civil society), we have a mayoral campaign underway.

For years, it was never a problem. Ed 'Shot' Grove ran unopposed for years, serving as both mayor and police chief. If someone needed the police, they wouldn't say 'Call the police'; they'd say 'Give Shot a call.' He'd eventually turn up, and everybody would calm down. Think Sheriff Andy and Mayberry.

But Shot was forcibly retired, at age 78, following revelations that he had hired police officers with felony records, and the State of Tennessee revoked accreditation from his police department.

So now we have Mayor Bishop, now up for re-election, opposed by the police chief he fired last month, running as a write-in candidate. (Ya'll keeping track of all this?)

The town is littered with hand-lettered signs. The Mayor did have a big ole' sign sporting the University of Tennessee logo, proclaiming 'Go Vols, Go Bishop!' or words to that effect. UT took a dim view, and two cease-and-desist letters later, that sign disappeared.

So what's an incumbent to do, here in Burns, to endear the voters to himself?

Why, wrasslin' of course!! So, on May 21, Jerry 'The King' Lawler will be bringing his wrasslin' show, complete with MIDGETS(!!) to perform in Burns, featuring as referee the beloved Mayor Bishop.

Remember, OldSouth, mere mortal that he is, can't make this stuff up. He took this picture this afternoon, May 15, 2009.

Somebody call Shot. This could get ugly...